


Paradox

by Despina



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M, Purple Prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 01:54:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1533371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Despina/pseuds/Despina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An encounter with a curious innkeeper propels the Saiyuki boys down a path of strangeness and occasional hilarity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paradox

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jedishampoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedishampoo/gifts).



> Warnings: M/M and loads purple prose  
> Author's notes: Thanks to the beta who made it all possible! (That would be Whymzy, of course, but I touched it last!)

**Paradox**

 

There was such absolute stillness after the door flew open that anyone who knew them wouldn't believe they were the Sanzo Ikkou. The silence was almost eerie.

And then all hell broke loose. But very, very quietly.

Gojyo was the first to regain his senses, cigarette falling from his lips as he yanked Goku out of the way just before he (quietly) slammed the door shut. Outside the room, the two of them leaned against the wall, (silently) breathing hard but not from exertion, just, pure shock.

"Did you see that?" Goku whispered. His voice cracked, sounding harsh. He closed his eyes and pressed the heels of his hands against his head. "They were—"

"I saw it," Gojyo whispered back. Honestly, he was impressed by what he'd seen. He hadn't realized Sanzo had it in him. Grabbing a pale Goku by the shoulder he said, "Come on, let's get out before he shoots us just for seeing."

"But how … but why … they never—" Goku stumbled and looked a little ill. "That was weird, even for Hakkai, I mean—"

"I know what you mean, monkey, but just relax, would you? Maybe that's what they're doing. Relaxing. Fuck knows, if anyone needs it, they do." Gojyo steered them both down the hall and into their room, chewing on his bottom lip as his words bounced around in his head over and over.

"But that was … I mean, it was Sanzo! He doesn't--!" 

"You know, I wouldn't be so sure about that," Gojyo said distractedly. After all, he'd always suspected Sanzo had a secret past, torrid love affairs with strangers he'd bang and then leave them wanting more. But then again, maybe that was just Gojyo's imagination. Although, what he'd just seen … Well, whatever. 

"Nah," Goku said, shaking his head so hard that Gojyo thought it might fly off his neck. "Not Sanzo, he doesn't do that kind of stuff!"

Gojyo quirked a smile and lit another cigarette, wondering about Goku's choice of words. How did he know Sanzo didn't do that kind of stuff? Did he really know, or was it a guess? Gojyo also wondered if he could take a shower without raising suspicion. Maybe he'd just concentrate on finding a girl for the night. Yeah. 

He glanced at Goku, whose eyes were still as big as saucers. "Are you all right with it?"

"Whaddaya mean?"

"I dunno, I always thought you kind of had a thing for Sanzo—"

"What? Eww! No!" Goku shook his head. "I mean, it's fine with me if he wants to do that—but with Hakkai? And I didn't really need to see it, ya know, 'cause now it's stuck in my brain," Goku added as he knocked on his head with his knuckles. 

"So you're all right with it?"

"Well, yeah, why wouldn't I be? I guess I was just surprised by it more'n anything."

Gojyo could see how that would bug Goku. He was good at picking up on the obvious things. Gojyo was pretty good, too, especially about the sexy stuff. Neither one of them had even suspected this was going on. "I think maybe it's new to them, too."

"Yeah. Hey, ya know what?" Goku said, not waiting for Gojyo's response but rushing breathlessly on with, "Ever since that stop at that nice old lady's place they've been weird."

And there it was. Like magic, Goku had just picked out the exact moment when things had changed. It was weird. 

"Yeah, I think you're right, shrimp." Gojyo sucked on his cigarette and sat down at a little table in their room. "Hey, that old lady asked me some strange-ass questions when we were talking. What did she say to you?"

Goku scratched the back of his head and flopped down on the bed and said, "Well …" 

 

**Goku**

They'd been on the road forever, and Goku thought he would die from hunger when they saw the crazy inn along the road. The road was overgrown and full of ruts, plus there were no houses or stores or restaurants or farms. There was nothing except the inn.

"I see smoke coming out of the chimney. Should we stop, Sanzo?" Hakkai asked all polite-like, but Goku knew he'd already decided they were staying.

"Fine," Sanzo said and frowned at Hakkai, like that would change anything.

The inn was a nice place, not fancy, but big and kinda cozy. Plus, it smelled like really good food inside, so Goku was pretty happy.

"Hello, travelers. Are you looking for rooms?" asked a little old lady. She was shorter than Goku and a little hunched over, and there was something weird about her eyes; they were kinda cloudy lookin'.

"Yes, we are. If you have them, of course," said Hakkai in his _real_ polite voice, not the one he used on Sanzo.

"Four of you?" she asked, gathering up keys. 

"Yes." Sanzo whipped out the gold card and waved it around.

Hakkai snatched it out of Sanzo's hand. For a moment Sanzo glared like he was on fire, but then Hakkai gently placed the card in the woman's hand.

She was blind! Sanzo rolled his eyes like he knew all along, but he didn't. Then he gave the old lady the stink-eye.

"Thank you, dear," she said to Hakkai. 

Turned out, she said she normally had help, but they were off for the day. She was sorry, she told them, that she didn't have enough wood for the fire to cook a big meal. But that right away meant Gojyo and Goku had to gather and cut the wood for her fire, volunteered by Sanzo, 'course. Gojyo lost in a quick sparring game, so he had to gather the wood. 

Goku didn't really mind the work because that would mean they'd get a big dinner for a change. Plus, while Gojyo was getting the wood, Goku got to eat! And for a blind lady, she was pretty good in the kitchen. She fed Goku some rice and pot stickers until he was almost full, and she never complained, not once.

"It's been so long since we had good food, thank you!"

"My pleasure, dear, but won't that ruin your dinner?"

"Nuh uh."

"Ah, you're still growing, aren't you? Then how about some cookies?"

Goku held out his hand, forgetting she was blind. But somehow she could tell and captured his open palm. 

"Oh!" she said and looked sad while she patted his hand. "What a burden you carry." 

She pulled away and then slid a plate of cookies onto the table.

"Huh?" Goku said, stuffing his mouth again. "You mean chopping up the wood?"

"No, dear, I mean all that you've been through."

"No sense in being gloomy about the past," Goku said with a shrug. "These cookies are so good, um … what should I call you?"

"You can call me 'grandmother.'" She sipped at her cup of tea. "Tell me about your companions, Goku."

"Well, you know Gojyo. He's that big lug haulin' in the trees outside." He looked out the window in time to Gojyo drag a gigantic limb to the wood shed. "He's always trying to make us all think he's real smooth with the ladies, but he's really just a sucker." 

"So he's a nice man?"

"Yeah, he's kinda a sap. He just doesn't want anyone to know it."

"I see. And the fellow with the wonderful manners, Cho Hakkai? He said he'd help me with dinner."

"Yeah, he's a swell cook." 

"He seems to have a rather dark aura about him."

"He's a good guy but he's scary when he gets mad. That doesn't happen much, though." 

"And what about the monk?"

"Oh, Sanzo. He's our leader."

"He doesn't seem to care much about the rest of you."

"That's just his way." Goku picked up another cookie. 

"So he's a nice man?"

Goku paused. "Well … not really. Sometimes. But he's not bad, either."

"And he doesn't help with the chores."

"Nah, he kind of just tells us what to do."

"Why do you stay with him?"

Goku chewed up the cookie and washed it down with the milk she'd given him. "Oh, it's 'cause I like being with him. And Hakkai and even Gojyo."

"Even though he treats you poorly?"

"Well, he did save me more than once."

"So, you stay because you feel you owe him a debt?"

"Nah, not really, 'cause I've saved him, too. He's on a mission, we're helping. And he's not so bad, he likes us more than other people."

"I see. If you could have anything, Goku, what would it be?"

"Meat buns!"

"Not food, Goku." She smiled and touched him again. "Anything else."

Everything kinda got fuzzy, and the next thing he knew, Gojyo was shaking him. 

"Hey? Are you listening to me?" Gojyo shouted in his ear.

"What?!" Goku shook his head.

"I'm done bringing in the wood. That means you're up, monkey."

"Right." Goku swallowed down the last of his cookies and then looked shyly at the old lady. "Um, do you know how to make meat buns?"

"Of course. I was planning on them tonight, especially with your Cho Hakkai's assistance. I'll be certain to make an extra-large batch for you. For you and Gojyo; you've both been so much help."

"Thank you, um, grandmother."

"Don't call her that, Goku!" Gojyo popped him on the head.

"But she told me to!"

"He's right, I did," the old lady said with a smile. 

And for a second, Goku could swear her eyes were bright and clear.

* * *

"And that's it?" Gojyo asked.

"That was the only time I talked to her alone. Then I went outside and chopped the wood. You talked to her after that." 

Gojyo's cigarette was out, and he was over the need, for the moment, to find nighttime companionship. Goku's story really didn't shed much light on this whole thing with Sanzo and Hakkai. In Gojyo's head, there they were again, all sweaty and going for it. Holy shit! If he hadn't seen it for himself, he never would've believed it. Even thinking about those two together made life seem a little weirder than it'd had been when he woke up that morning. It was a hot memory, but definitely weird. 

"Talk about irresistible forces crashing into immovable objects," he muttered, thinking about women again. Yeah. Breasts and girl parts, that’s what he was thinking about. 

"Huh? What's irresistible?" Goku asked.

"It's some riddle someone once said to me. What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object?"

"I don't get it." Goku stared at Gojyo. 

"Yeah, I don't really either. It's supposed to be deep or something, you know, um, a … what ya call it, a paradox."

"A pair a ducks?" Goku frowned. "Yer makin' that up!" 

"Not a pair of ducks, asswipe. A par-a-dox. It's something that can't happen."

"Well, whatever ya call it, it's happening!"

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" 

Goku shivered. "Hey, what'd she say to you, anyway?"

Gojyo played with his pack of cigarettes. "Nothing much, but it did get strange at the end."

 

**Gojyo**

It was colder than a ditch-digger's ass outside so Gojyo moved quickly. He dragged a couple of gigantic limbs to the woodshed and part of an entire tree. He thought that should cut up into some nice firewood and keep the old lady going for a few days, even if her help didn't come back on time. Since his road trip with this bunch started, he'd become a fucking expert on firewood.

When he came inside, he found Goku stuffing his pie hole with cookies and after he'd scampered off, the old lady asked him to stay. He'd tried to beg off, but then she made him an offer he couldn't refuse. 

"Please sit, Gojyo, I have some 'tea' here," she said, pulling out a bottle of whiskey and waving it at him.

"Well," he said, sliding into a chair so quickly he nearly knocked the table over. "I suppose I could use something to warm me up."

"So, I understand you're traveling to India." She held out a full glass of whiskey.

"Yeah." He took the glass and emptied half of it. 

"Would you allow me to do a reading on your hand? Sometimes I can see things."

"Er, sure." He didn't see any reason to deny her, plus, the whiskey was some good shit.

"I know you don't believe in readings, Gojyo, but I do." She took his hand and made a sad sound. "I see your life has been tragic, too."

"If you say so," Gojyo said when she released his hand. He lit a cigarette. "Might've been a bit of a rough start, but it's been good ever since."

"An optimistic charmer, you are. Perhaps you could share one of your cigarettes."

Gojyo didn't have many left, but he didn't mind, and it was worth it for the whiskey. He lit one and placed it gently between her fingers.

"And a gentleman." She inhaled and refilled his glass. "Oh, my, that's good. So, Gojyo, what do you think of your traveling companions?"

It was a crazy question, and Gojyo was uncomfortable with answering. She seemed nice and normal, but after getting his ass kicked by a couple of insane monks, a guy with a bird fetish (as Hakkai said), and a puppet shooting killer plants out of its mouth, Gojyo tended to treat shit like touchy-feely questions with suspicion. Outside he could hear the steady thump of the ax against the recently gathered wood.

"They're all right, I guess."

"Goku seems like a thoughtful boy."

"Yeah. Mouthy, full of way too much energy, and a walking stomach, but he's always got my back." Gojyo smiled, feeling the spreading warmth of the whiskey.

"And Cho Hakkai?"

"He's kind of different, but he's all right." Gojyo was shocked to hear the words spilling out of his mouth. "He's my best friend."

"What do you mean, different?"

"He comes off as sweet and nice, but he's … not. He's intense, but he's the most loyal dude you'll ever meet. Hell, he's beyond loyal." Gojyo wondered why he was blabbing out so much stuff—that really wasn't his style. Besides, his "friends" might kill him for talking about them with a stranger.

"I see." She took a drag. It looked funny, but he didn't laugh. "And what about the Sanzo priest? He seems to be in charge."

"Yep. He's mean as fuck and a lazy ass to boot." Yeah, no doubt about it, Sanzo would definitely kill him.

"Then why do you stay? It's so dangerous and you're being hunted all the time."

Gojyo shrugged and tried to keep his mouth shut, but the words kept coming. "I dunno. I guess I had nothing else going on that mattered. And I like two of the three, and even Sanzo … well, don't tell him I said so, but even he has his moments of being non-dickish."

"So you do like him?"

"Sometimes."

"And, if you could have anything, Gojyo, what would it be?"

"Uh, I probably shouldn't say with you being a lady and all."

"I see." She smiled and touched him again. "I see."

Gojyo was finally warm from the heat of the kitchen and the whiskey. And he was relaxed after days of driving and fighting, and nights of not-sleeping in the freaking jeep. He must have dozed off for a moment because the next thing he knew was Hakkai "accidently" bumping him awake.

"Where do you want me to start, Obi-san?" Hakkai said. His voice, like always, was soft and musical.

Gojyo looked up and saw Hakkai wearing an apron and holding a knife.

* * *

"So she touched both of us and we both got a little woozy, right? And I saw her touch Hakkai, too," Gojyo said, thinking he was missing something.

"Yep. I saw her touch Sanzo, but he got all pissy about it."

"Of course he did." Gojyo said, tapping the ash from his nearly forgotten cigarette. "She must've done something to them."

"But she didn't do anything to you and me!"

"Are you sure about that? Do you remember what you told her you wanted, Goku?"

"Yeah. I told her I wanted Sanzo to be nice for a change. But that was kinda crazy 'cause—"

"Because you wouldn't usually say stuff like that to a stranger. Yeah, me too. I told her I wanted Sanzo to get off his high horse."

"And ya know, ever since we left there, he has been creepy nice!"

"And you know, he was kinda on a smaller horse from what we just saw, although, not much smaller."

"Eww."

"Oh, shut up, monkey, that was hot and you know it."

"Whatever, ya perv!"

"So, I wonder what all that means. Do you think we asked for something about everyone?"

"I said I wanted meat buns, and we got them that night!"

"Well, that's hardly a secret."

"And I said I wanted Hakkai to be happy."

"That was nice. What did you say about me?"

Goku frowned. "Um, nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nope. She didn't ask about you."

"Funny. She didn't ask about you, either. I wonder why."

"Maybe 'cause we're easier to read," Goku said. "You know, not so deep and complicated." 

"Yeah. Maybe." Gojyo didn't want to agree, but that did make sense.

 

After his talk with Goku and thinking about it for a few days, Gojyo was finally certain he'd pieced the whole thing together. 

Goku'd wanted Hakkai to be happy, and Gojyo, well, Gojyo'd said he wanted Hakkai to get laid. Maybe they were the reason Hakkai and Sanzo'd ended up the way they did. But then, what had Hakkai and Sanzo asked for? So far, it hadn't seemed like anyone was doing anything dangerous, just a little weird. 

"Hakkai, can I ask you something?"

Hakkai's eye twitched. After a moment, he took the pot of boiling water and poured it into the teapot. Then he sat down.

Gojyo watched him with his chin propped up on the heel of his hand, his cigarette burning in a nearby ashtray, smoke curling in the air like it had a life of its own. Hakkai feigned fussing with his teapot, struggling with how to answer Gojyo. Yeah, he really didn't want to talk about Sanzo, but he also wouldn't deny Gojyo an answer. Not if Gojyo pushed, anyway. 

Gojyo thought about whether he really wanted to push. If he did, that would definitely result in consequences.

Asking Hakkai questions was tricky business.

Hakkai sighed. "All right, Gojyo. Ask."

"You remember the old lady we stayed with? The one who was there and then wasn't?"

Hakkai's eyebrow shot up. Clearly, that was not the question he'd expected. "I do."

Gojyo picked up his cigarette and puffed it to life. Leaning forward he asked, "When you were alone with her, did she ask you some weird questions?"

"She … did. Yes." Hakkai exhaled.

Gojyo could practically see the gears engaging in the giant brain Hakkai lugged around. He'd probably already put the entire thing together.

Gojyo said, "She asked Goku and me some things, and then—"

"She touched you." Hakkai finished. "I see." 

Gojyo nodded and crushed out his cigarette, but he didn't add anything else.

"It took her a few tries, I think," Hakkai said tightly.

That made sense. Hakkai had managed to resist that nutcase Zakuro for a while. His resistance to getting magiked was probably higher than Goku and Gojyo's. Gojyo wanted to ask, because he really, really, really wanted to know what Hakkai's answer to the old lady's question was. But he knew, clear to his bones, that if he did it would cause problems between them. Hakkai would do all kinds of petty but innocent-looking things to Gojyo for months. And really, in the long run, it was none of Gojyo's business.

So he was surprised when Hakkai began talking again.

 

**Hakkai**

 

They were five miles away from the inn when Hakkai realized his checklist contained an empty spot. Without slowing, he cranked on Jeep's wheel and tugged on the emergency break, pulling a perfect 180 in the middle of the road. 

"What the fuck, Hakkai?!" Sanzo shouted as he rocked sideways in his seat, sliding partially across Hakkai before he could halt himself. He proceeded to swear a blue streak.

In the rearview mirror, he could see Goku draped over Gojyo's lap, the two of them in a heated argument about whose hands were where.

Hakkai lived by the philosophy that sometimes the little things in life could result in the most pleasure.

"My apologies, everyone," he said with a controlled smile. "But I'm afraid we'll have to return to the inn. I believe I've left the maps behind."

"Really?" Sanzo said, narrowing his eyes and pushing himself away from Hakkai. 

"But you never forget those," Goku said as he wrestled with Gojyo. 

"I agree." Hakkai frowned. He clearly remembered packing the maps the night before, but he hadn't seen them with his other things this morning. He pressed down on Jeep's gas pedal and they were off. It only took them a few minutes to return, but when they arrived, the inn … wasn't there.

A stack of firewood and several boxes sat on the ground, but no building. Not even an outline in the grass remained.

Gojyo spoke first. "What the …"

"Yes." Hakkai slipped out of Jeep. With the exception of the items near the firewood, he couldn't see any sign any one had been there. Ever.

"Four boxes and our firewood," Goku said looking around. "Freaky." 

"Yes," Hakkai said again.

A soft wind rustled through the surrounding trees as they peered into the cardboard boxes. The first one contained a carton of Hi-lights and a two bottles of whiskey. 

"I think this one is for me," Gojyo said as he toed at the box. He didn't touch it. "But this is weird."

Another box held meat buns and cookies, and Goku quickly grabbed it, ripping open a package. 

"What are you doing?!" Gojyo shouted. "Don't eat something if you don't know where it came from! Maybe it's haunted!"

"It can't be haunted, it's so good!" Goku shouted back, his mouth already stuffed with food. He backed away with his food.

In a third box, Hakkai found his maps, some jasmine tea, and, of all things, a book of the Kama Sutra. 

"Kama Sutra?" Gojyo said from over Hakkai's shoulder. "Interesting."

The final box contained a carton of Marlboros, condoms, and if Hakkai was correct, some sort of personal lubricant (and Hakkai knew he was correct).

Gojyo raised an eyebrow but wisely kept his mouth shut. Hakkai wrinkled his brow trying to make sense of the situation. Goku was already back in Jeep, eating. And Sanzo—

"What the fuck?" Sanzo said for the second time in ten minutes. He snatched up the cigarettes and left the rest. 

Hakkai stared at the condoms and lubricant. Back in Jeep, he could hear Gojyo berating Goku for eating the "haunted" food. Goku made some sort of token response, but his words were unintelligible. And Sanzo shouted for silence and wielded his fan with accuracy if the meaty _thumps_ were any indication. 

After a moment, Hakkai grabbed the discarded objects and threw them in with his. After all, waste not want not, as the nuns had always said.

Of course, he was relatively certain they weren't speaking of Astroglide and condoms, but still, one never knew. Hakkai walked back to Jeep, the closed box under one arm, whiskey bottles and lubricant softly clinking together. Then, they were on their way again, racing down the rutted road to make up time, and next to him sat a grumbling sandalwood-and-cigarette-scented Sanzo. 

His conversation with innkeeper had been odd, but he hadn't really considered her a danger. Even now he suspected she was some sort of mischievous spirit and nothing spiteful. Although if Sanzo knew what she'd asked of Hakkai, he might just ...

"So, Hakkai-san, why do you travel with this band of ruffians?" Obi-san had asked.

Hakkai had laughed at that, a real laugh. "They might be a little rough around the edges, I suppose, but they are the closest thing to family I have now."

"Family. Well, I suppose that makes sense. Sanzo does treat you poorly, like someone in a family would, don't you agree?" She'd touched him then.

"Ah, well, I'm not sure I'd say that." Hakkai had eyed her warily but continued speaking. He couldn't seem to stop his words. "Not exactly, anyway."

"So, you feel indebted to him?"

"I … No." He had straightened his back and smiled, his teeth grinding together slightly as he said, most clearly, "No, of course not."

"I see." She nodded and then touched him again. "And if you could have anything, Hakkai, what would you ask for?"

"I wouldn't ask for …" he said, feeling a little confused. The room wavered a bit around him and he spoke again, although he remembered trying not to. "I would like to have someone appreciate me, and sometimes, even though it's probably vulgar to say, I miss being intimate with someone."

Those had been his precise his words. But in his head, the phrase triggered images of a poorly written romance novel. 

And the next day, after retrieving the boxes, that was when his relationship with Sanzo had become extraordinary. And now he knew why. 

It began as more of an annoying itch than anything else. But just as he caught himself stealing glances at Sanzo, he was equally aware of Sanzo watching him in return. Oh, Sanzo had watched him before, of course, just as he did all of them (though he pretended he didn't), but this time his gaze felt completely different. It was almost like he couldn't tear his eyes away—not from what Hakkai was doing, but from Hakkai. Add to that Sanzo's recent string of nearly thoughtful consideration, and Hakkai felt as though the world was not quite right. 

And if it hadn't been for Hakkai's own unusual actions, he would've voiced his concerns out loud. 

Hakkai wasn't a prude by any stretch of the imagination. With Kanan he'd even considered himself adventurous (though, much to her disappointment, he'd drawn a line at wearing the pony tail butt plug). However, after her death, he'd rarely even thought of sex. But now, well, he'd been experiencing very explicit dreams and an unusual number of nocturnal emissions. It happened to him on occasion of course, but not in the quantity of late; after all, he wasn't Gojyo, for Heaven's sake. But wet dreams really weren't the problem. 

In his very strange and explicit dreams, Hakkai was touching Sanzo, and not in the … Christian way.

Sure, there were times Hakkai wanted to, well, for lack of a more delicate way to put it, wipe the scowl off Sanzo's face. And perhaps some other _slightly_ painful things to him—not for fun, mind you—just to remind him about basic human courtesy. But until the dreams began, Hakkai hadn't considered anything sexual. Not really. Even so, he couldn't imagine acting on his dreams no matter how … titillating. Sanzo was off limits and not just because he liked to wave his gun around. 

And with that, Hakkai partitioned his amorous thoughts and that was the end of it. Mostly. Except for the annoying wet dreams, of course.

Until the night Sanzo insisted on sharing a room with him. Perhaps he should've said "no," but Sanzo had been so polite about it, how could he? 

During the night, his subconscious, apparently desperate for ideas, conjured up the unlikely image of Sanzo clad only in a maid's apron and cleaning their room. Even asleep Hakkai grappled with accepting the ridiculous scene and finally, woke with a start.

Not because he'd almost ejaculated in his underpants—again—but because the bed had dipped and Sanzo was crawling on top of him. 

"Sanzo?" Hakkai's first concern was that Sanzo wasn't Sanzo, but a doppelganger. In their travels west, they'd seen imposters on more than one occasion. 

Sanzo drew his gun and pointed it between Hakkai's eyes. "Strip."

Hakkai stared down the barrel of the gun and felt the corners of his mouth tug into a smile. "You can't be serious."

"Strip, damn it!"

Doppelganger, changeling, clone? Well, the ill-mannered man held the gun like it was an extension of his arm, as well as displaying clearly defined anger issues. He couldn't be anyone else but Sanzo. 

Hakkai grabbed Sanzo's wrist and applied pressure. The gun fell from his nerveless fingers, bouncing off Hakkai's shoulder and onto the floor. Thankfully, it didn't discharge, which might have resulted in killing one of them, or worse, bringing Gojyo and Goku into the room. He clutched Sanzo's arm to the point of feeling bones grinding together, but Sanzo's expression never changed. 

"If you'd wanted to shoot me, Sanzo, you would've done so already."

"Bastard."

Hakkai paused and just for a moment he saw it, a flicker of fear mingled with—lust?—as Sanzo's gaze wavered. Hakkai licked his lips, teeth scraping against his tongue. The acute ache in his nether region quickened. Well, that wasn't good. He did a quick recap, searching for something he'd missed. Nothing.

"Sanzo," he began, but his throat felt thick. He cleared it and continued, "Are you aware you're behaving irrationally?"

"So? Sex isn't rational." Sanzo snapped and then palmed Hakkai's erection. 

"Ah!" Hakkai exhaled, and captured Sanzo's groping hand. "While your point is difficult to argue, I'm afraid I must—"

"For fuck's sake, Hakkai, shut up! I need your help with this." He nodded at his bulging crotch. And then, the most astounding thing of all happened, he added, very, very quietly, "Please."

Hakkai stared up at Sanzo while reviewing his options. He could: 1) Throw Sanzo from the bed, but if he landed close to his gun, and then there'd be problems. 2) Rip the remainder of Sanzo's clothes off, like in a bad romance novel, and do unspeakable things to him. And then there'd be problems. 3) Hmm. He couldn't think of a third option.

Just to confuse the subject further, Sanzo rubbed against him, humping him like some sort of sex toy.

"I would like to go on the record by saying I don't feel this is wise," Hakkai said, holding his body perfectly still.

Sanzo rolled his eyes, and peeled off Hakkai's pajama pants. Cool air and a warm hand curled around his exposed erection. 

"Sanzo," Hakkai gasped. "Perhaps we should—"

"Shut up. And for fuck's sake, don't over-think this." Sanzo's lube-covered hand began fondling Hakkai's straining masculinity.

"Oh," Hakkai groaned and his hips lifted, trying his best to ignore the words "straining masculinity" and realizing he'd already made the decision: 2) the bad romance novel. Which meant it was time for action.

He quickly reversed their positions, rolling a complacent Sanzo on to his back. Sanzo stared up at Hakkai, his amethyst orbs liquid with desire. 

Hakkai did his best to shake off the "liquid amethyst orbs" image and instead tugged at Sanzo's pants (not so carefully; Sanzo really should wear undergarments), opening them and allowing escape for his turgid member. Hakkai's breath caught as he took in the sight of Sanzo's wet slitted, purple-headed shaft. 

"Very nice. Very," Hakkai said and smiled, "pretty." Inside he died just a little.

"Fuck off, Hakkai," Sanzo muttered and he pressed his avid manhood against Hakkai's equally torrid length.

"Oh!" Hakkai said again and placed his hand over Sanzo's. Together, in perfect harmony, their lube-slick hands slid against the two throbbing members, stroking the hard, sinewy distance from aching balls to leaking tip. They both moaned at the heat gathering in their loins as their mutual orgasms approached. 

Fleetingly, Hakkai wondered about the terrible summary forming in his head.

Hakkai could feel the eddying currents in his nerve endings and the coalescing of desire. But he held on, held out, wanting—no! needing—to see Sanzo give into his pleasure, to see him at his most vulnerable of moments. 

Hakkai's wait was not long. Sanzo's iron-hard tumescence thickened and he tensed, his body shuddering as he spilled his seed over their joined hands, groaning in blissful agony. He leaned over Hakkai, one hand on the bed, sweat beading on his forehead, and his eyes closed. For a moment, Hakkai thought he looked peaceful and relaxed.

Hakkai stopped his caresses as Sanzo pulled his softening member away. He was thinking that his dreams were child's play compared to seeing Sanzo's erotic release in real life. He also knew that in a few minutes, he'd need to make a mad dash to finish off in the bathroom. 

But he caught his breath when Sanzo's hand returned, sliding against the length of his anxious cock.

Sanzo sighed and then snapped, "Quit fucking around and come already."

The words "come already" out of Sanzo's mouth were too much. Hakkai surrendered, feeling the swirling eddies whipped into a sudden typhoon. His muscles tightened and he groaned, abandoning himself to pleasure, spattering Sanzo's face with cobweb-like strands of come. Oops.

Well, Sanzo had ordered him to do it.

But that didn't explain all the bizarre, ah, rather _colorful_ descriptions Hakkai's brain had produced during their tryst. Never in his right mind would he choose to use words so … ridiculous. "Avid manhood?" "Leaking tip?" Not to mention the horrible phrases "blissful agony" and "turgid member." Hakkai shuddered. Thankfully, he hadn't vocalized any part of his narrative out loud. 

Next to him Sanzo sighed and brought Hakkai back to the here and now. An awkward silence settled over them before Sanzo—in a moment of uncharacteristic thoughtfulness—got up, went to the restroom, and returned with two towels. And after they cleaned up, Sanzo slid into bed and went to sleep.

That was it. There were no words, no explanations, and no discussion. But then again, it was Sanzo.

Hakkai was so puzzled, he didn’t think he'd sleep that night. On the contrary, he slept very, very well.

The next day, Sanzo didn't act any differently, so Hakkai suspected their unusual night was a one-time situation. 

He was wrong about that, too.

* * *

"And after that, Sanzo's out-of-the-ordinary demands and actions escalated, culminating in the very compromising position you and Goku witnessed." Hakkai hadn't given Gojyo the explicit sexual details, but he had shared the bare bones of the story.

"Compromising position, huh? Well, I'm not sure that's what I'd call it, but you are good at … um, well. Anyway," Gojyo said as he hurriedly crushed out his cigarette and cleared his throat. "Does it all make sense to you, now?"

"Yes. That sweet little old lady put a spell on us." 

Gojyo shook his head. Leave it to Hakkai to find some way to make everything seem so … ordinary. After two weeks of madness, they had an answer to why everything was out of whack, and Hakkai's response was less than spectacular. Typical.

"Well, I think that 'sweet little old lady' put the whammy on Sanzo mostly. We just got the benefits out of it."

"Why do you think that?"

"I don't know. Just a feeling. Goku wanted Sanzo to be nice. I said something similar." Gojyo scratched the back of his head and shrugged; he really didn't want to tell Hakkai what he'd specifically asked for, after all.

"Ah." Hakkai sipped his tea but stared at Gojyo. "I see. Well, I suppose I should talk to Sanzo about this. I suspect he's not going to like it." 

Gojyo laughed. "That's an understatement. But hey, I've got a good idea—why don't you let me tell him?"

"You?" Hakkai narrowed his eyes at Gojyo. "Why?" 

"Because," Gojyo said, lighting a new cigarette, "Sanzo isn't going to like it." 

Hakkai looked thoughtful for a moment and then he smiled. Not the fake smile or the creepy-ass smile or the (rare) legit nice smile; no, this one was pure, evil joy as he said, "All right, Gojyo. Why don't you tell him?"

Okay, so Sanzo might not find the situation amusing, but apparently, Hakkai thought it was hilarious.

 

Two nights later, the moment was perfect. They were in a big town with a sizable inn, so they all had their own rooms. Goku was sacked out, sleeping off the million youkai they'd killed and the million eggrolls he'd eaten. Hakkai was off doing Hakkai things, probably meditating or trying to figure out how to kill youkai with his mind. Gojyo was pretty sure if anyone could pull that off, it would be Hakkai.

And Sanzo, well, he was reading and smoking and drinking in the common room. He always looked good like that, robes off being washed, and him in his jeans and that skimpy little black number. And the glasses. Holy shit, no wonder Hakkai'd jumped his bones; the dude was freaking hot. Too bad he was also an enormous prick.

Sanzo didn't look up as he said, "What the fuck do you want?"

Gojyo set a bottle on Sanzo's table and sat down. "To drink. Want to help?"

Sanzo looked over the rim of his glasses and frowned. "Why?"

Gojyo rolled his eyes and filled Sanzo's cup. "Just drink, you surly bastard."

"Is that the whiskey you got from the old blind woman?"

"Yeah. It's good."

"That old hag. I hope she dies in a fire." Sanzo drank the whiskey all the same.

 

**Sanzo**

The old lady—who sounded almost familiar to Sanzo—said, "You always were so stubborn."

Sanzo shook off the old harpy's hand and narrowed his eyes. "What the hell do you want?"

"You treat your companions poorly. And after some prodding, I know they all have specific desires concerning you. Though it was like pulling teeth to get it."

"So what? No one's keeping them on the journey. They're free to go."

"You know better than that!" she shouted. "Now, they've given me some ideas on how to boost their morale—which they sorely need at the moment. Do you want to help make the decision on what happens here, or will you let me decide on my own?"

"You don't have that kind of power," he sneered.

Her voice was very, very soft when she said, "You think not?"

Then he knew she could. He sighed. "What are my options?"

His options had been very, very limited. But after making a few demands of his own, they'd settled on one. And almost immediately he'd felt the noose around his neck. So to speak.

At first, he thought he could beat it, that she really couldn't pull it off. But there'd been the sticky dreams he suffered through. So he'd quit sleeping for the most part, but that caused other fuckery.

And he couldn't stop staring at Hakkai. No, not just staring, but _wanting_ —and it was beyond irritating.

Sanzo wasn't a virgin, of course, although he knew his companions thought of him as asexual. And in all honesty, if he could be asexual, he would wholeheartedly embrace it. Sex was a troublesome distraction, and people could never just fuck and go. No, fucking entailed strings of emotional entanglement which led to the most annoying thing of all about sexual encounters—or encounters of any kind, when he thought about it—the dreaded talking.

Hakkai was best. He didn't talk much, and when he did, he was mostly quiet. Plus, he really was more Sanzo's type. If he was traveling alone, Gojyo might be a possibility (although he'd die before he ever said it out loud), but with seeing him every day? No.

Hakkai was the best option, and Sanzo would get something out of it. So in the long run, as annoying as the entire situation was, this was the best of the worst. 

Sanzo had started it with the night of the mutual hand job. He'd hoped that would do it, but no, the poisonous old broad had more in store. Some hand jobs and a couple of blow jobs later, Hakkai was down with it. 

Sanzo thought that might be what was needed, since the stupid bastard had fought him over it at first. He was pretty sure what would seal the deal was Hakkai's cock up his ass. Then the whole stupid situation might be done with. He was over having a hard-on all the time.

The only problem he could foresee was: what happened when he no longer had the compulsion to have Hakkai fuck his brains out? Would Hakkai be over it, too? Because Hakkai was getting rather … pushy about it. He'd even said some crazy thing about "wanting to impale Sanzo's delicate starfish-shaped opening on his aching man pole." 

Who said shit like that with a straight face?

Well, whatever. Sanzo was done fucking around about it. That night he demanded Hakkai share his room again. The other two kept their mouths shut, but he could tell they thought it was strange since they were both getting their own rooms.

And he knew Hakkai was done with it, too, when they met in the hallway before dinner. Hakkai had pushed Sanzo against the wall, stuck his tongue down Sanzo's throat, and dry humped him for a few minutes before stepping away, leaving Sanzo hard and horny.

After dinner, Hakkai had pushed Sanzo into the wall again, only this time Sanzo faced the wall. Then, the bastard's quick hands were down Sanzo's pants and a slippery finger plunged inside his ass.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Sanzo moan-hissed. "Someone could see."

"So?" Hakkai breathed in his ear, stuffing a second finger in Sanzo's ass. "Something's strange here, we both know it, but I can’t stop."

Sanzo couldn't either and he sucked in a breath as his ass pushed back, riding Hakkai's fingers as they touched his prostate. 

"Hey, Hakkai?" Goku shouted from the dining room. "They brought us more food, ya want some?"

"No, thank you, Goku," Hakkai answered back calmly, rubbing, rubbing, making Sanzo stand on his toes. "I think I'll turn in early tonight."

Sanzo was right there when Hakkai pulled his fingers away. "You fuck!"

Hakkai laughed and walked to the end of the hallway, by the stairway leading for their room. He turned and said, "Are you coming with me?"

Sanzo muttered under his breath and after a moment, followed.

Inside their room, Hakkai practically ripped Sanzo's clothes off and pushed him onto the bed. Then that quickly, Hakkai was over him, all the stupid delay with the lubricant done, the tip of his cock (big and glistening) disappearing between Sanzo's thighs, sliding down the (lubed and stretched) crack of his ass, and pushing. 

And Sanzo moaned, "No." Too much. He wasn't going to be able to do this after all.

"Too late for 'No,'" Hakkai said as the tip of his dick sank deeper.

Sanzo thought about making a run for it, but really? He knew even if he tried, he wasn't getting away. This was goddamn Hakkai, feral and needy, all the layers of pretend bullshit stripped away. And besides, he didn't really want to run. 

Then Hakkai was on him, pushing inside. "Yes, you can blame me later, I know it will make you feel better. But we both know right here, right now, you want this."

Sanzo exhaled as the monster cock slid inside. Fuck yes. _Fuck yes!_ There was a flare of pain that became glorious rubbing and pounding. And there was a hot hand stroking him as he came again and again, wringing him dry.

What seemed like hours passed. He'd been on his side with Hakkai threaded between his legs, on his back with his knees pressed neatly to the bed, on his knees with his ass jacked up high, on his feet and bent over, all the while as Hakkai fucked him, never slowing, never increasing his speed, like a constant answer to the ache that had been driving him crazy for at least a week, even though it felt like years. 

Hakkai pulled out and got on the bed, dragging Sanzo along with him, who could barely walk. Hakkai lay back, his cock still hard and glistening with lube and his body covered with a fine sheen of sweat. 

Sanzo licked his lips and stared. The fucker still hadn't come.

"Goddamn it, Hakkai," Sanzo sighed and climbed on top, guiding the gigantic dick inside again. The angle, for all the acrobatics of the past few hours, was still intense, and Sanzo hissed as he rocked. Allowing Hakkai's cock to caress against that spot that was so good, letting the next (and if you'd asked him earlier, impossible) orgasm build. It was surreal, the rise and fall of his hips, the skin on skin slickness as the invader in his ass took him to a new place.

Hakkai cooed nonsensical words as his fingers curled around Sanzo's dick. Inside, Sanzo could feel Hakkai's cock thickening, somehow getting harder as he swirled his hips.

There was a curling in Sanzo's belly and his nipples hardened. He could feel his balls tighten as Hakkai urged him on faster with a sigh. Hakkai's hips lifted and Sanzo came with him, their bodies shuddering. 

It was that moment that the door burst open and the two of them, covered in sweat and come, still shaking with their orgasms, looked over to see Gojyo and Goku staring, mouths hanging open.

Well, shit. He'd forgotten about that part of the deal.

* * *

Gojyo blinked, letting the words sink in before he asked, "So you knew what was going on?"

"What? You think I'm a fucking moron like you?" Sanzo held out his glass. "The old bat tried five times before I asked her what the hell she was doing."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

Sanzo shrugged and lit a cigarette. 

Gojyo held his rant. After all, really the only one hurt in the whole deal was Sanzo. Although he didn't look very hurt. 

After a moment Gojyo refilled Sanzo's glass and asked very softly, "So, what did you get out of it?"

Sanzo drank his whiskey. Setting the glass back on the table, he stood up and walked away.

"What?" Gojyo blinked. Typical. He shouted after Sanzo's disappearing ass, "You selfish bastard, at least give me a hint!"

Sanzo didn't answer, of course. But Gojyo didn't really mind; Sanzo's relaxed walk said it all.

Gojyo smiled. He had to admit, the last few weeks had been interesting for all of them. He smiled and raised his glass in a silent toast to the old lady.

 

end


End file.
